For those who are wondering what it might actually feel like to work with me – especially if you’ve never experienced coaching before – it can be helpful to see a real example. What follows is one client’s journey. The identifying details have been changed, but the substance and shape of the work are true to life.
This engagement began, as many do, with something tangible. A 360 report. On paper, she was successful and well regarded – capable, reliable, trusted. The feedback did not question her competence. Instead, it hinted at something more subtle. There was a sense she could be more visible, more influential, more at ease in senior conversations. Not louder or more polished, just more fully herself.
When we started, the brief was clear: executive presence. She wanted to feel more confident at the table, to speak without the spiral of second-guessing, and to stop feeling as though she had to perform a slightly heightened version of herself in order to be taken seriously. In those early sessions, we stayed close to real examples. Specific meetings and specific moments. I asked detailed questions about what was happening internally in the seconds before she chose to contribute, or chose not to. Together we slowed those moments down enough to see what had previously been automatic.
Quite quickly it became apparent that this was not about presentation skills or technique. It was about identity and self-permission. She was not lacking capability; she was editing herself before anyone else had the chance to respond.
Rather than rushing towards strategies, we made the work more spacious. This is often where people are surprised. For someone as driven and forward-focused as she was, the idea of pausing deliberately (and calling that progress) initially felt uncomfortable. There was a real tension between her desire to move quickly and the quieter work of reflection. Part of my role was to help her see that creating an explicit place to think was not a detour from performance but a foundation for it. Over time, she came to experience those pauses as some of the most valuable parts of the engagement; a rare hour where the noise dropped and she could hear her own thinking clearly.
We began exploring her values in a way that was practical rather than abstract. What standards was she holding herself to? What did “good leadership” mean in her internal language? Which expectations were truly hers, and which had been absorbed over time? I created space for her to test and refine these in conversation, and gently challenged where I noticed tension. Two themes consistently surfaced: a strong drive for continuous improvement and a deep instinct to steady the environment for others.
Naming these qualities brought relief. They were strengths she recognised and felt proud of. But as we examined them more closely, she could also see how they were shaping her behaviour in unintended ways. Continuous improvement had slowly become an internal narrative of “not quite enough”. Steadying the ship for others had translated into containing her own uncertainty or emotion so thoroughly that others experienced her as more distant than she intended.
My work here was not to tell her to change, but to help her reframe what she was seeing. The same qualities that made her effective were also the ones constraining her impact. Once she could hold that paradox without judgement, choice re-entered the picture.
The shifts that followed were not dramatic - they were specific and intentional. Contributing to a discussion even when she had arrived late and felt wrong-footed. Bringing data into a conversation instead of waiting until it was perfectly packaged. Allowing herself to say, “I’m not sure yet” rather than presenting a fully formed view. In our sessions, we would return to these moments in detail. I would often point out what she had actually done – because she had a tendency to minimise it – and we would explore the ripple effects. How did others respond? What changed in the dynamic? What did she feel afterwards?
Gradually, she began to recognise that when she stopped over-editing, others leaned in rather than pulling away. Her influence increased not because she was trying harder, but because she was more congruent. The self-doubt did not vanish – nor did we aim for that – but it softened. It became something she could listen to and learn from, rather than something that dictated her behaviour.
An unexpected but important theme was energy. When she was no longer expending so much effort on managing perception, she had more capacity left at the end of the day. She spoke about being more present at home, less preoccupied, more emotionally available. We did not set out to work on her life outside the office, yet the effects were visible there too. Leadership does not sit in a neat professional box.
As trust between us deepened, we were able to move into more vulnerable territory. She was highly skilled at putting emotion to one side and carrying on. That competence had served her well. In our conversations, however, she began to experiment with naming what was actually present for her – frustration, disappointment, uncertainty – and noticing how that honesty altered the quality of connection with others. The coaching space remained grounded and practical, but it was also a place where she could think out loud without needing to curate herself.
Looking back over the arc so far, what stands out is not a dramatic reinvention but a series of deliberate choices. The choice to pause. The choice to question a long-held assumption. The choice to speak before she felt entirely ready. Each one small in isolation, but cumulatively significant.
For a new client, this is often what the work looks like. We start with the issue you think you need to solve and we stay close to your real situations. We create an intentional space to reflect – even if that initially feels counterintuitive. I will notice patterns, offer reframes, and gently challenge where something doesn’t quite align. We will pay attention to small behavioural shifts and their impact, because that is where sustainable change tends to live. And everything is tailored – shaped around your context, your values, your version of leadership.
Coaching, at least as I practise it, does not manufacture a new persona. It helps you return to yourself with greater clarity and more conscious choice. In her case, executive presence stopped being something she was striving to project. It became something that emerged naturally as she aligned her behaviour with what mattered most to her.
And that alignment – quiet, steady and intentional – is where the real work happens.
